Today we are excited to bring you the first of our ‘Mama Truths’ blogs: where we will answer the questions you may feel too afraid to ask! Our first topic is one many of you will have thought – and maybe even worried – about: resuming sex after baby. Here Daisy teacher Chloe Sena explains all…
Yes, sooner or later you are going to have to get back in the saddle – and it can be a very daunting prospect. You have just pushed a baby out of your vagina, or if you had a Caesarean section, been through major surgery. All women will still have lochia for a few weeks after birth and the post-birth hormones will be flowing freely. Why on earth would you then want anything going back up there?!
Your body may not feel like your own for a while: a lot changes after you’ve had a baby, and that’s okay. Breastfeeding, making up bottles, dealing with crying, colic, sleepless nights. Plus if you have other kids to deal with – well, you may feel like you are running on empty. Will you always feel like you could fall asleep standing up? Do you think you will ever make it through a day in the same clothes you started out with? Will your libido will ever come back (it will, don’t worry!). Why does it feel like you would rather stick pins in your eyes than even consider having sex?!
You could have had stitches, had a tear (big or small) and may feel quite different ‘down there’ than you did before you had your baby. You may be worried it will hurt, or that you won’t enjoy it….. This is all normal. The post-birth hormones running riot in your body can supress your libido and make everything feel as dry down there as the Sahara desert.
Plus, the fourth trimester period for you and your baby, the transition period from womb to world, can make you feel like you have been hit with a ton bricks. Sex is likely to be the last thing on your mind – I know it was for me after my two births! You may feel quite lonely and like you are the only one feeling like this, but I can assure you, you won’t be. No matter what you may hear, read or imagine, you won’t be the only one worrying about having sex again and even putting it off.
No-one can prepare you for how having a baby will change your life. When you have a baby your focus will change and your relationships will shift. It is important to remember your relationship with your partner might change as well. You will still love your partner of course, but it may feel different post baby and it can take a while to settle into your new situation as a family of 3 (or 4, or 5!). You may even feel more like housemates for a while post baby too. This is okay, and is to be expected.
You will be having broken sleep, days will all roll into one; the house will be a mess and you will probably struggle to even get dressed some days. The last thing on your mind could be showing affection to your partner, a hug or kiss on the cheek may take all the effort in the world, and sex – well, what’s that again? With so many demands on you already, it is likely your relationship with your partner is the one that has to wait.
Don’t panic…it’s not all doom!
Do not panic! It is not all doom and gloom, I promise. And it will get better: you will enjoy sex again. Sex after baby can be the best sex you’ve ever had! Trust me 😉 It is vital, however, that you and your partner are both aware that things may change, and you will both feel differently. If your partner is patient and understanding, it will make all the difference in how you cope with the changes and how quickly you are ready to get back in the sack, so to speak!
Don’t feel pressured into having sex too quickly. Sex can be an emotional thing for any woman, let alone if you are currently in the middle of the post-birth hormonal rollercoaster. It is important to feel ready, and then you are more likely to find it an enjoyable experience. If all you can think about is climbing into bed and hibernating for a week, chances are you won’t be able to get in the mood for sex.
Sex after baby: top tips
So, here are some ideas to help make the first time you break that post-birth seal a little easier and hopefully more pleasurable. Firstly: relax and breathe. You have done it before, and you can do it again. Set the mood: get a babysitter for a couple of hours, a romantic dinner by candlelight maybe even a massage or a hot bath.
Pick a time when you don’t feel too tired. Right before bed may not be the time you feel most ‘up for it’, and so are more likely to fall into bed, rather than out of your PJs! Use your imagination – the bedroom is not the only place you can have sex – if baby is napping, seize the opportunity and be creative!
Maybe make that first time a bit of a ‘quickie’ so it isn’t too much of an endurance test if you are not feeling the love. Once that first time is over, you will feel a hell of a lot better about the whole sex after baby thing, I guarantee.
Oh and don’t forget the lube…
Love Daisy xx