/ The Daisy Foundation with Lesley Doig

A baby in hindsight: I am Enough

I Am Enough

I am never enough
This is the love I have gifted myself
I am not enough
This is the truth I have convinced myself
I can never be enough
This was the love I learnt from others
I will never be enough
This was the truth I was told by others

But now I look at you
And now I see

I am enough
I can see it by the way you look at me
I am always enough
I can see it by the way you reach for me
I have always been enough
This is the love I have learnt from you
I will always be enough
This is the truth I have seen in you

And now you look at me
And now I see what you have always seen

I am enough

 

I wrote this looking at my little one after a feed. Lying in bed thinking on all the things I needed to do. It was close to Christmas, there was washing to catch up on (like always), there were appointments I was worried I would be late for, there was cleaning to do, presents to look at. I needed a shower. I was thinking about my business and training, homework I needed to do. But then I looked at his little peaceful face and everything faded. Nothing mattered more to me than him in that moment. So why was I stressed. I wanted him to be happy, and looking at his face I realised he was. Perfectly and peacefully happy. And suddenly I realised that I could be to, by being present in the moment. Watching him sleep in my arms. Happy, content, safe. I felt his happiness seep into me as I realised, that all he needed to be happy, was me. Just as I was. Just as I am. Just me.

I think in our modern society there is an obsessive aim for perfection. But even the mythic Mary Poppins was only practically perfect. So even she couldn’t achieve 100% perfection. So why do we push ourselves beyond reality to achieve something that is beyond possible. Can we not just know what is enough and be happy there. Enough of a good mum to not be a bad one. Enough of a good partner, wife, friend, worker, person. Being enough doesn’t have to be bad. Being enough doesn’t mean that you are standing on the precipice of failure. You can be solid in your stance. In your position. So, I am enough. And that is wonderful! That is everything! That is enough.