Reasons why it sucks to be a single parent!
Now don’t get me wrong I know this is not true for ALL single parents/ex partners but it is definitely true for me and seems to be a common theme amongst my other single mummy friends which doesn’t give me much hope for the future!
I am not even going to go down the whole “why it sucks financially” route as that is a blog in itself but for everything else this in my opinion is what sucks:
1. I am the one that has to get up at 6.30am every single day, weekends included, I would love to be my ex that only has to do that every other weekend when he has my son, what it would be like not to be woken every day with a “wake up mummy” screaming in my face!
2. I would love to have uninterrupted nights of sleep. When my little one is poorly I am the one who is up on the hour every hour through the night and when I call my ex to tell him his little one has been poorly he really doesn’t give me any credit for sleep deprivation, as long as he had a long an peaceful night because “I have to work” even though I probably do more hours than him with work and looking after our son – not that the latter counts in his eyes!
3. When he has to be off school because he is sick, it is MY responsibility to come home from work and look after him as my ex’s job “is more important” and it is just expected that the mum should be the one that takes the day off, oh how I would love it if the fathers were the one that had to be called mid-way through their working day, dash to the school and try and figure out how they will cope the rest of the day to get some work done before they get fired.
4. I have to get myself ready for work and him ready for school, always in a rush, and anything other than military precision timing means that I am the one that suffers like not having time to find clean underwear wearing yesterdays AGAIN whilst my 4 year old is always the picture of perfection. How I would love to just get myself ready in the morning, have that shower on my own, maybe tea in bed, nope instead I am running around with half wet hair, no idea what to wear shouting “teeth”, “shoes” whilst my ex has that leisurely hour or so in the morning.
5. As soon as I get home from work, the door is hardly unlocked and I am being screamed at “when’s tea” “I’m hungry” and as usual I don’t have time to cook anything nice for myself so I end up eating fish fingers, boiled eggs or smiley faces on a regular basis whilst my ex can come home, have a bottle of wine, relax whilst he prepares some kind of culinary delight!
6. Between the hours of 7am-7pm I am subjected to kids TV and by the time it’s his bedtime and I sit down to watch the TV nothing is on. So when making small talk with my ex and he said “did you see on tv…”….no I friggin didn’t all I have watched is Mr Tumble for hours on end, I wish I could be more in touch with the world, oh how I would love to be him and sit down and watch the news and not have to jump up to attention every time my little one needs help with something!
7. “Well I think” soon as I hear those words, I know what’s coming….his opinion or some form of criticism about the way I parent our child. Never with any offer of help or involvement just a list of what I should do better, what I should change…..well when you have more input into our child than just a fun filled weekend every other weekend then fell free to have a go with those suggestions yourself!
8. On the subject of weekends, mine is focussed around all the chores which I didn’t get chance to do all week, getting the school uniform washed and ironed by Monday morning, the dreaded grocery shop as I can’t do it during the week because of being stuck in of an evening whilst his weekends are full of fun days out, trips to the park, chilling out with a film…..so by comparison I am the boring shouty mummy and dad is the cool fun one, well I would love to have time to do all of that!
9. The ability to have a social life! My only form of a social life is through work or when my mums has my little one for the night. I don’t get every evening free to pop down the gym, go and see a friend so when he calls on his “way home from the pub” I want to scream at him “bleeding hooray for you”. I really resent the way that my freedom is gone and he still has his! And that my social life revolves around organising and PAYING for sitters! Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t change my little boy for the world but I do resent the inequalities the effect of having him as had on the two of us!
10. When I do get to go out, similar to the mornings, gone are the days now of taking time to make myself look pretty, spend some time painting my nails or choosing what to wear as I am the only “entertainer” until the sitter arrives. I carefully time my little one to bath whilst I put my make up on the bathroom mirror beside him, give him some milk and biscuits on the sofa whilst I dry my hair, let him play on the ipad whilst I paint my nails and then stay in my dressing down until he has gone to bed so he doesn’t realise I have gone and there is a sitter downstairs!
11. My ex dropped my little boy off early not so long ago as he wanted to go shopping “and you cant shop with a toddler in tow” to which I screamed out “how do you think I manage every day”. They have ample time on their hands to do stuff without a child in tow, I would love to have that luxury, instead I bribe my little one around the town with promises of coke and sweets, why can’t they just learn no cope, we have to!!
12. I will end as I could go on, I really resent the way that I am predominantly responsible for my child’s development. It is I that has to practice reading every night, do all the small homework things the school asks for like suddenly getting a costume made for next weeks play. It is I that is taking him to swimming lessons, teaching him how to ride a bike, how to draw picture or how to play the piano. I feel the pressure that I carry the majority of the responsibility as it is I who has our child the majority of the time. When he has him, does he do homework with him…no! does he help teach him to read…..no, does he help him practice adding up……..no of course not! Their time is always about fun which is great for my child but I feel immensely pressured and resentful of the fact that the future of how our son develops academically comes down to me!
So if you are a single parent and this rings true for you, you are not alone!
Contributed from one of our Daisy Mums who really wouldn’t change it for the world but knows it’s still ok for it to suck sometimes!